France: Gay or European
by The Alchemy Goddess
Summary: Is France gay or just European? Or maybe both? Who knows! Songfic "There! Right There!" from Legally Blonde: The Musical. You don't have to understand ANYTHING in order to enjoy this! WARNING: ONE F-bomb EDIT: I noticed some mistakes and corrected them. Nothing more.


**Okay, so I have NO IDEA where this came from. This is just completely random. You should probably listen to it first. And, yes, there ARE OCs in this.**

**EDIT: I'M SORRY! I had a few mistakes in here that I had to fix! If you've already read it, then the mistakes were down near Spain's part. He missed some lyrics. So, enjoy the fixed version!**

**THERE! RIGHT THERE! from Legally Blonde: The Musical (c) Whoever owns it  
**

**Hetalia**** (c) Whoever owns that XD**

**Ireland and Scotland (the characters) (c) ME**

* * *

This meeting was supposed to be completely normal. But, little did Germany and the other countries know, Ireland had planned a little flash mob. It started as soon as France walked in.

Ireland stood up quickly and pointed at France. "THERE! RIGHT THERE! Look at that fair, untinted skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh, please he's gay, totally gay," she sang.

Unsurprisingly, Scotland was in on it, too. "I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay." He shook his head while Ireland scoffed and glared at him.

The North American and Asian countries decided to join in. "That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey?"

"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks!" America protested.

"Look at his silk translucent socks!" Ireland snickered.

Scotland rolled his eyes. "There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing."

"What are we seeing?" Ireland asked smugly, knowing what he would say.

"Is he gay?"

"Of course he's gay! That's the whole point of this!"

"Or European?"

Ohhhhhh... "Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?" Everyone sang, staring at Britain.

"Well, hey don't look at me! Bloody wankers," he muttered.

"See they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports! They play peculiar sports..." Hungary started.

"In shiny shirts and tiny shorts!" everyone finished. "Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They will say things like "ciao bella" while they kiss you on both cheeks."

Italy and Romano both looked up upon hearing their native language.

"Oh, please!" Ireland muttered. That was just Italy.

"Gay or European? So many shades of gray," they continued, completely ignoring Ireland.

"Depending on the time of day, the French go either way," England told them. Everyone stared at him incredulously.

"Is he gay or European or-"

"THERE, RIGHT THERE! Look at that condescending smirk! Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro hetero jerk! That guy's not gay, I say, no way!" Sweden yelled. Well, of course HE would know!

"That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume..." To every non-Irish person's astonishment, France seemed to be flirting with... Spain?

"Is automatically-radically..." Ireland cheered triumphantly.

"Ironically chronically..." Scotland whispered, totally shocked.

"Certainly pertin'tly..." Hungary sighed. Apparently she liked yaoi.

"Genetically medically..." England growled.

"GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY..." Just then, France (who just happened to be near Ireland) kissed said country full-on on the lips. When France eventually quit kissing her (which wasn't all that long, since Ireland glared a hole in his head and hit him with her biography of Liam Neeson) there was a chorus of "DAMMIT!"s and one "FUCK YOU, PRETTY BOY!"

"Gay or European?"

"So stylish and relaxed," Scotland giggled. At that moment, it crossed everyone's minds that Scotland might've been gay. Luckily, Ireland was in kissing distance.

"Is he gay or European?"

France promptly unbuttoned his shirt to show off his chest.

"I think his chest is waxed," Ireland shuddered.

"But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse..." Hungary protested. Wait, now she's against yaoi?

"If he wears a kilt or bears a purse!" Scotland glared at all of them for bringing up kilts. "Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code."

"Yet his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed!" Seychelles pointed out.

"Huh. Gay or European? So many shades of gray."

"But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday!" Belgium cheered.

"Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro-"

"Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try," America offered. For once, he was being completely serious.

"The floor is yours." Scotland grinned. Finally, this was going to be cleared up.

"So Mr. Bonnefoy... This alleged affair with countless women has been going on for..."

"My entire life."

"And your first name again is...?" America asked.

"Francis."

"And your boyfriend's name is...?"

"Antonio." He suddenly paled as he realized what he had just said. "I'm sorry! I misunderstood! You said boyfriend. I thought you said best friend. Antonio is my best friend."

"YOU BASTARD!" Spain yelled, much to Romano's surprise. "YOU LYING BASTARD! That's it! I no cover for you, no more! Peoples, I have a big announcement. This man is gay and European!" Spain now had a triumphant grin on his face. "And neither is disgrace! You've got to stop your being a completely closet case! It's me, not them, he seein', no matter what he say. I swear he never ever ever swing the other way. You are so gay, you big parfait, you flaming boy band cabaret!"

"I'm straight!" France yelled desperately.

"You were not yesterday." Giggles and snorts erupted from the countries mature enough to get it. "So if I may, I'm proud to say, He's gay!"

"And European!" the others chorused.

"He's gay!"

"And European!"

"He's gay!"

"And European and gay!"

"Fine, okay, I'm gay!" France admitted sheepishly.

"Hooray!"

* * *

**Elle-Ireland  
****Callahan-Scotland  
****Warner-England  
****Emmett-America  
****Vivian-Hungary  
****Brooke-Seychelles  
****Enid-Sweden  
****Judge-Belgium  
****Mikos-France  
****Carlos-Spain**

**Please consider the following:**

**If we used this exact cast and the exact roles they play in the movie, Ireland originally would've been the president of the Southern California branch of Delta Nu and in a relationship with England, but then England would break up with her and go to Harvard and start dating Hungary. Ireland would be accepted into Harvard (miraculously) in order to win England back and meets America. She would be accepted as an intern to Scotland's law firm and be on Seychelles' case.**

**She would then win that case and fall in love with America, who would share her feelings. Two years later, she would graduate from Harvard. The same night, they would go out on a date and America would propose.**

**Meanwhile, France and Spain would have fights over who's seme and who's uke XD**

**So if that were actually history, my country would literally have history with Ireland. That would be seriously screwed up.**


End file.
